Why I Think the "You Can Have it All" Belief can be Damaging
And why releasing this idea and, instead, focusing on the "you can have it all, just not all at once" has been incredibly freeing
Before we dive into today’s post, I want to announce that the next Expert Chats for paid subscribers will be on Tuesday 6/11 from 8-9PM EST. As a reminder, the Expert Chats are virtual events (over Zoom) with experts in the parenting space that are somewhat podcast/interview style with time for you to ask questions directly to myself/the guest and connect with others in the chatroom. It is a monthly offering for all paid subscribers! This month we will be meeting with Jamie O’Day (the co-founder of NAPS, nurse, lactation consultant, and mom to 3 girls) and she will be leading an infant & child CPR course. This is a skill we, as parents, should all have and continue to re-learn so that we are confident in doing it if the time ever comes. I hope to see you all there!
Now, lets cht…
I have been thinking about this concept a lot lately and whenever something continues to pull at my brain (is that a saying??) I feel it should be a topic for Mom Musings. So, here we are. What I’m talking about is the idea of “having it all”, especially as a mom. I simply do not think it is possible. I want to be very clear on something: I am saying this because letting go of the goal of “having it all”, or the belief that I can, actually felt freeing. It allowed me to stop constantly seeking this mystical balance act and beating myself up for not reaching it. If you are someone who feels empowered by the idea that we can “have it all” and it keeps you going, you do you boo!!! As always, none of this is ever a one-size-fits-all approach.
I initially started thinking about this concept when I saw this viral clip of Lilly Allen (who like, I really really miss listening to? “fuck you very very much” - a true banger). In the clip, Lilly says very bluntly and honestly, “but yes, my children ruined my career” (followed by, of course, the disclaimer we always feel compelled to share of “and of course I love them and they complete me”). She goes on to state that she doesn’t believe you can have it all and that her kids simply do not mix well with pop stardom and she made the decision to lean more into motherhood and less into work.