The Importance of a "Village"
And how I show up for the people who's villages I play a role in
I talk about this a lot, but I truly feel like if there was one topic I could speak on for an hour straight at any given moment, it would be this one. An easily written dissertation of sorts? An obsession? Whatever you want to call it, I believe it is wildly important and the sole reason why I am able to do everything I do in my life post having children and why I’m able to get through the really hard times: my village. This word gets tossed around a lot and it can mean different things to different people, but to me my village are the people (family, friends, neighbors, paid childcare, etc) who show the f up when you need them to. The people who are there for you when times are hard or overwhelming or exhausting. The “food is getting dropped off in an hour” text kind of friends. The people you list as emergency contacts at your kid’s school for a potential last minute pick-up when plans change. The family that you know would drop anything to come help you when you need an extra hand. To me, my village is everything. Because of that, I don’t take my role in other people’s villages lightly. I try to show up for my people the same way I hope they would, or have seen them in the past, show up for me.
Before I continue - I want to remind you that this month’s Expert Chat is Wednesday 7/24 @ 8-9PM EST. We’ll be chatting all things starting solids and continuing the journey with a Senior Feeding + Swallowing Specialist (OTR/L, MS, SCFES, IBCLC) from Solid Starts. I’ll be sending the zoom link info via email the morning of the event!
Villages are important during any difficult phase of life, but especially in postpartum and motherhood. They say “it takes a village” for a reason - raising children was once a communal effort. Unfortunately, it has become so individualistic and we do this weird societal praise for any form of motherhood martyrdom because they’re “doing it all”. In my dreams and the life I’m trying to create, we rely on our village and serve a large role in other people’s villages.
I remember having a kid and going on the apology tour to all of my friends who had given birth before me. It was in those moments after coming home from the hospital with my baby and experiencing all the ups and downs, the lack of sleep, the heightened anxiety, and so much more that I realized I wasn’t there for my friends in the way they needed me. At the time, I really thought I was showing up, but I had no idea. Disclaimer: it is impossible to understand until you’ve gone through it. I receive these same texts now from my friends who are having their first and experiencing the cannon event of the apology tour and I always respond the same way: you were there for me the best way you knew how in that moment and you don’t know what you don’t know.
In that same breath, I get a lot of questions over DM asking what to send, or how to show up, or what to do to support a friend/sister/cousin/etc who just gave birth. Here are my go-to ways to show up for my people in postpartum (this is also applicable to a friend going through grief or mental health challenges):