My career is flourishing, yet I feel like I'm "failing" as a mom
The duality of emotions I'm experiencing as my career is expanding in ways I have always dreamed of and the guilt that leads to when comparing my kids' first few years of life.
I’m having a bit of a preemptive vulnerability hangover writing this because I fear I’ll question laying all these emotions out there, but I also feel very safe in my community (especially here on Substack), so when I sat down to write this Mom’s Musings I felt immediately pulled to discuss the topic I’ve discussed with a large handful of people this past week. When I notice that I’m having the same conversation over and over again with different people in my life, especially if I am not the one even instigating the discussion, it feels like a sign from the universe of *ding ding ding, this is what you should write about*. Alas, here we are…
Before I dive in to today’s piece, I want to highlight an upcoming community event (12/17 @ 6:30-8:30PM) that is FREE!!! You all know how much I love the High Confectionary (my favorite low dose edibles), so I am excited to share that I’m hosting a shopping experience at their NYC popup at 670 Broadway! Come shop their products, hangout with me, meet other FF Fam members, and get some free gifts with purchase from some of my favorite brands!! The event is free but space is limited so please RSVP HERE!!!
Lately, I’ve been feeling like my career has been absolutely flourishing. I’m booking opportunities and campaigns that I once thought were outside my reach, I’m getting pitched by people for podcast guests that I would’ve dreamed of gaining access to years ago, and I’m growing at the steady pace I’ve always hoped for. Over the past 6+ months, I have leaned fully into my career and prioritized more personal self-help work and I am absolutely seeing the work come to life. It truly feels like I am living out the things I always dreamed of. It feels utterly incredible. While I am all for celebrating that win, I’m experiencing some not-so-great emotions at the same time (hello duality): with all of this success in my career, I feel like I am simultaneously failing as a mother. My therapist, husband, family, and close friends will probably roll their eyes at this statement and tell me to stop being so hard on myself (and they’re probably right), but it doesn’t take from the fact that I’m feeling these things. Our brains have a wild way of convincing us that things are true even if they are not reality.