Perfecting the "mom fit"
My new 3 non-negotiables when getting dressed, why I will always prioritize comfort, some new purchases, and creating and sharing some looks ala Cher closet style
Recently I’ve been putting in more of an effort when I’m getting dressed, and I am committed to making it easier on myself. As I mentioned in Friday’s Filling my Cup segment, I am loving
’s substack and how she created 3 rules for a more cohesive outfit. I took this to heart and decided to come up with 3 non-negotiables when I’m picking out an outfit:I will always prioritize comfort
I want to feel like myself (not dress like someone I saw on IG who looked cute in that outfit but was entirely “un-me”)
I need to be able to play with my kids in whatever I’m wearing
Over the past 3 years I’ve been trying to figure out my style. Majority of my life was spent in athletic clothes. My entire childhood I was either dressed in boys clothes (yes, I shopped in the boys section all of elementary school), sweatpants, athletic clothes, or leggings. Then I went to college and not much changed. As an athlete we were constantly in our practice gear going from practice to class and back to practice. There were times we would legitimately go out at night in our travel gear straight from the bus. I even have photos of me out in my turfs. (maybe this was specific to going to a small liberal arts school with a heavy focus on house parties?? I’m still unsure why we did this). When I graduated and began working at JP I was thrown into the world of corporate dressing - my wardrobe consisted of all Ann Taylor and a few investment Theory suits to spice things up. There was a stint of my life post corporate world and pre kids where I obviously was getting dressed, but I somehow have forgotten all aspects of that period of time? So, TBD on what I was wearing during that window.
After having kids I felt so lost on how to dress. Suddenly, my days were filled with different activities and my priorities had completely shifted. My heels were collecting dust in the back of my closet and my clothes were covered in various stains of spit-up, food, and god knows what else. I felt like throwing a toddler tantrum everytime I went to get dressed and consistently found myself in a puddle of clothes thrown off their hangers and screaming to my husband “I hate my entire wardrobe!!!”. I wish I could say I was alone in this emotion because I don’t wish this frustration on others, but I know based on conversations with friends and others in my DMs that this is a very common occurrence. If you’re in it right now, let me validate your emotions for a second: it sucks. I know it can seem so absurd to complain about because it feels superficial, but the frustration is real. Plus, putting on clothes that make you feel confident and like your best self is a true form of self-care and this confusion ties into the matrescence (the metamorphosis of motherhood) that so many of us experience.
I noticed that when I felt “lost” and not like myself (ie deeply in times of postpartum when everything is just confusing and my hormones are raging), I was purchasing things that I saw on social media because I loved the way they looked on said influencer, but then, when they arrived and I tried them on, I realized they were not at all my style (floral dresses and bright colors for example). I was begging for someone to inspire me and grasping for straws on what I should be wearing. That was when I decided on these 3 rules I mentioned above: prioritizing comfort, feeling myself, and being able to play with my kids.
Do you have guidelines you try to follow?? If so, I’d love to hear them!
Comfort is key to me and I will always, and I mean always, choose comfort over style. I know some people say the opposite and while I am for doing whatever makes you happy, I cannot comprehend ever coming to that conclusion. Because comfort is key to me, I am usually opting for a sneaker, boot, or flat. I also am big on fabric as I despise how certain materials feel on my skin (hello neurodivergent brain).
Feeling myself is obviously different for everyone, but for me it is leaning into the concept of “elevated tomboy” because that is what I feel describes my style. I will choose a pant of sorts over a dress/skirt 99% of the time and I specifically loveeee a good jean (a few of my favorites are the A&F high rise 90s relaxed jean, the levi’s baggy dad, Parke jeans - size down 1-2 sizes, and the levi’s ribcage). I also do not love prints or loud colors and find neutrals sexy as hell. Are there times where I go a little out of this comfort zone for events (specifically weddings)? Yes. But I consistently feel my best and most confident-self when I am following the above criteria. The pillar of being able to play with my kids is because in 99% of my outfits I am squatting down, rolling around on the floor, being tackled by, and chasing after my kids. For this stage of my life, this is a priority for me.
(many of the links in this post are affiliate links)
Every morning I now ask myself, “does this outfit fit my criteria?”. It oddly helps me feel like I’ve accomplished something big first thing when I’m able to confidently respond “yes”. What also helps me when I’m in these closet tantrums is to find one piece of clothing that I want to base the outfit on and go from there. Typically I feel drawn to a specific shoe or jean or sweatshirt and know that I want to end up wearing it, so I use that as my building block for the rest of the look.
For instance, I put together this look, which is my ideal outfit and has me very excited for fall
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Because so many of us (based on my DMs) are struggling with what the heck to wear in this season of life, I did some fall shopping and put together some outfits with a few of my favorite staple pieces. These outfits can be worn for school drop-off, runing errands, work (depending on your job obviously), or doing activities with the kids with a mix from casual to a bit more elevated. I want to make a very important note: if our style is not the same, do not buy these pieces or take inspo from this! I want you to feel like YOU.
Alright let’s do this…